Video – https://youtu.be/Tqrtu1De7Os
Hello friends, welcome to Sunday’s ART of Truth. Today, I am sharing an art journal spread around the truth around need. I am using my 8 x 8 Arteza Journal, a variety of stencils and paints. I love art journaling because every interpretation of the art is subjective. For me, this was a success because it caused me to sit with a highly charged and emotional topic. The idea of need. It is a hard one.
In my journey, I have come so far in healing. I am past the nightmares and the triggers. I am no longer tormented by what happened to me in the past. I am grateful.
However, there are such deep and underlying beliefs that I still hold onto. So many lies that keep me separated. So many hard things, I must still face and risk.
As I have shared before, my Mama friends passed away on September 16, 2021. I shared this news with my husband and found a place to feel safe with those feelings. As I briefly mentioned in the video, several days after I had last shared with him, I had another moment of deep and lonely grief. It was in the evening on a work day. I was sitting in my chair in the living room crying. My husband saw me, ignored the tears and went to bed. Now, I say this, not to paint him in a bad light, but rather to point out what I learned.
He is about as authentic as anyone can get. Yes, he has his ‘stuff’ but he is a beautiful man and person. He is good to me. But this, oh my, it hurt. It felt like having a sword plunged right through the center of my body. He went to bed. I curled up and cried. Determined to hunker down and not need again.
What is the lesson, you might ask?
“It’s OK to ask for what you need.”
He let me down, but I let myself down even further by not letting him know what I needed. I could have said, “I know you are tired and are heading to bed, but…”
“Can you hold me for a minute? Can you sit with me for a bit? Do you see me? I don’t need you to fix it, I just need to be seen and heard.”
You see, relationship is about risk on both sides of the aisle. He might have been thinking, ‘Oh geez, I don’t want to get into this right now, I am tired.’ Or, ‘maybe, she doesn’t really need me.’ Or, maybe he was just emotionally disconnected and didn’t really ‘see’ me.
He could have been thinking about a number of things, I have no idea about.
What would have happened if I just asked him to just hold me for a minute? What if…I risked? Told him what I needed?
I already know. He would have stopped. He would have made a choice to hold me.
But, I didn’t. I allowed myself to spiral into a place of unworthiness and invisibility.
You see, my friends, we are not responsible for how people feel or how they respond to us. We are responsible to take care of ourselves and ask for what we need. To be authentic & transparent. I was not responsible for what he felt for me in that moment or what he didn’t feel. He is my husband.
My job was to show up and be seen. To ask for what I needed without guilt or self-assassination.
Need can be a very volatile thing. It can even feel dangerous.
It is scary, risky, brave, rewarding, satisfying, terrifying & authentic.
Last week, the student that I work with at school in the morning was devastated because his home room class did not offer to play with him at recess. It was a day like any other day, but on this day, it was a wound for him. The children are not rude to him. They are kind. I remember telling him that, sometimes people don’t know what we need. Maybe the kids didn’t know you wanted them to play with you that day. Sometimes, people just don’t know. I told him that it would be ok if he asked them if they wanted to play with him. This kiddo found some courage and at lunch recess shared his need or want and the class played with him.
My friends, it takes courage to ask for what we need. It is easier, or so it seems, to just expect people to read us and know. Then, we they don’t, we can say it’s their fault for not seeing us.
Like with my husband.
I am taking on the challenge of showing up, being present, not shrinking, not denying & big-time risking.
I hope this encourages you friends. You are not alone. We all feel this. We all struggle.
As humans, we are born for relationship and connection. Without it, we feel alone and unseen and unworthy.
You are worthy.
You are worthy, NOW.
Blessings,
Beloved-Reborn
I hope you enjoy!
Supply list under photos!
Supplies used:
The Crafters Workshop – Many Textures stencil – https://www.amazon.com/Crafters-Workshop-Template-Many-Textures/dp/B072B99JLZ/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=the+crafters+workshop+barbed+wire+6×6+stencil&qid=1633149915&sr=8-2
The Crafters Workshop – Mandala – unable to locate
Digital Art from my stash
Scraps from collage packs from Shawn Petite – http://Shawnpetite.com
Golden Fluid Acrylics – Quinacridone Nickle Azo Gold, Green Gold and Teal – see Basic Mixed Media Supply List below
Daler & Rowney Acrylic Ink – Indian Yellow – https://www.amazon.com/Daler-Rowney-Acrylic-Artists-Ink-Indian/dp/B08JSC9RWD/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=daler+and+rowney+indian+yellow+acrylic+ink&qid=1633149715&sr=8-1
Daler & Rowney Acrylic Ink – Paynes Grey – https://www.amazon.com/Daler-Rowney-Artists-Acrylic-29-5/dp/B00W7YNMK2/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=daler+and+rowney+paynes+grey+acrylic+ink&qid=1633149687&sr=8-1
Shawn Petite Stencil – Sunflower Duo – https://shop.shawnpetite.com/Sunflower-Duo-stencil-8×10-p202096373
French Stamp – Stampendous – https://www.amazon.com/STAMPENDOUS-CRR221-Rubber-Vintage-Letter/dp/B00NBK2FL8/ref=sr_1_29?dchild=1&keywords=stampendous+french+stamp&qid=1633149405&sr=8-29
List of basic mixed media supplies:
TCW Light & Fluffy Modeling Paste – https://www.amazon.com/s?k=light+and+fluffy+modeling+paste&crid=3PFDSLJUPLGOO&sprefix=light+and+flu%2Caps%2C272&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_13
Shoresua Script Stamp- https://www.amazon.com/Shoresua-Transparent-Silicone-Scrapbooking-Embossing/dp/B07PGN3MR3/ref=sr_1_77?dchild=1&keywords=bo+bunny+stamps&qid=1601231832&sr=8-77
Golden High Flow Acrylic – Transparent Yellow Oxide – https://www.amazon.com/s?k=goldenhigh+flow+acrylics&ref=nb_sb_noss_2
Liquitex Matte Medium- https://www.amazon.com/Liquitex-Professional-Matte-Medium-8-Ounce/dp/B000IYWYNE/ref=sr_1_1?crid=74CDOKRUL040&dchild=1&keywords=liquitex+matte+medium&qid=1586229506&sprefix=liquitex+ma%2Caps%2C291&sr=8-1
Liquitex Glazing Medium- https://www.amazon.com/Golden-Multi-Purpose-Acrylic-Polymer-GAC-100/dp/B001YJPX58/ref=sr_1_46?dchild=1&keywords=golden+glazing+medium&qid=1586230065&sr=8-46
Liquitex Heavy Gesso- https://www.amazon.com/Liquitex-Professional-Super-Surface-Medium/dp/B001UNREO6/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=liquitex+heavy+gesso&qid=1586229647&sr=8-1
Penny Black Script Stamp- https://www.amazon.com/Penny-Black-Script-Unmounted-40-470/dp/B01HNO5R08/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Penny+Black+script+stamp&qid=1586229678&sr=8-1
Shawn Petite Stencils- https://shop.shawnpetite.com/Stencils-c14287046
Decoart Crackle Paint – https://www.amazon.com/s?k=decoart+crackle+paint&ref=nb_sb_noss_2
Rembrandt Soft Pastel – Black – https://www.amazon.com/s?k=rembrandt+soft+pastel+black&ref=nb_sb_noss
Golden Fluid Acrylics – https://www.amazon.com/s?k=golden+fluid+acrylics&crid=1140N398O4PP1&sprefix=golden+fluid+%2Caps%2C520&ref=nb_sb_ss_ac-a-p_1_13
Junk Journal Basic Supplies List –
FabriTac Glue – https://www.amazon.com/s?k=fabritac&ref=nb_sb_noss
Art Glitter Glue – https://www.amazon.com/s?k=art+glitter+glue&ref=nb_sb_noss_2
Ranger Archival Ink – Vintage Photo – They no longer make the pad so I bought the reinker and a DIY ink pad – https://www.amazon.com/Ranger-AIP48077-Empty-Archival-Pad-Empty/dp/B016A88EAI/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=ranger+diy+ink+pad&qid=1626104364&sr=8-4
Https://www.amazon.com/s?k=vintage+photo+reinker&ref=nb_sb_noss_2
Your art is amazing as are you. Thank you for teaching me something. I’ve never thought about need in this way.
Blessings
Jennifer
💛 thank you for the feedback 💛 it’s all I know to do. It’s my authentic self. I’ve had friends that feel I am too ‘out there’, ‘too public’, but it is me 😊 I am embracing it 💛 I am so blessed you are here!