Good morning friends and family…I have some things on my heart I feel compelled to share today. Unless one has been hiding out in a cave or hibernating, we all know that the world is nutso right now. In all of my days, I have never seen such a thing. Such a constant influx of ‘information’. I used that term lightly, on purpose. My personal distress is over the absolute disregard for other human beings, other opinions, another point of view…or even to merely respect when someone chooses to not stand up and rant and rave against the injustice that is everywhere.
This has given me anxiety which I was not able to put my finger on until late this last week. Why do I feel so powerless? Why do I feel so hushed? Am I really feeling fearful? Am I living in fear and I don’t know it? Some questions, I cannot answer. Is all I know is that I feel sick inside. I am sick about how life is treated with such vulgarity and such indifference. Don’t get me started on how our media, our entertainment, video games, and overall, CONSUME-what we want-when we want- mindset. I am guilty.
I feed my mind, my heart and soul the opposite of what it hungers for. I am drawn to the news, to the media, to the headlines…I say, “I can’t help myself, it’s everywhere”…yes, it is everywhere. But I do have a choice. I can choose to seek a good many things. As believers, we are not called to bury our head in the sand. We are not ‘off the hook’ around social issues, injustice, murder, prejudice, hatred, white privilege etc. We are all accountable. But, how do we do it? How do we go about it?
We have a choice… I have remained silent. I am silent because I am weary of hatred. I am exhausted from trying to ‘figure out’ what I am supposed to do, say, be…what I am to fight for this minute, this hour, this day. If a person is silent, you are perceived as being apathetic and ‘siding with the oppressor’. If a person uses their voice, that voice is then shredded, bludgeoned, beat to a pulp and spit back in our face. If we save ‘all lives matter’, we are saying that black lives don’t matter. But that isn’t true. It is taking words and twisting them to mean what the reader wants them to mean or how they see them through their own filters, beliefs, their own experiences, their own pain & their own blind spots. If we say ‘blue lives matter’ are we really saying that black lives don’t? that the brutal and senseless death of so so many is ok? NO. I could go on and on. The current world is wall to wall double binds. Pardon my french, in the world’s economy, “we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.”
And that is just one current world issue that is stirred up and in a flaming rage. Defund police? COVID19. Discrimination. Corrupt government. Interrupted and crippled education. People stretched so thin, left spinning. If you don’t wear a mask, you want people to die. If you do wear a mask, we are not sure it really works. On and on and on it goes. It’s a world of black and white thinking. All or nothing. Them and us.
And, yet, I wondered why I have felt completely upside down. I know many of my friends are also feeling this way. I know many in the world feel this as well.
It is in the naming of the thing that is rising up in us that we can refocus on what we are to do, what we are to feel, what action we are to take…
For me, and I can only speak personally, it is utter powerlessness. A familiar feeling and an unwelcome visitor.
I often forget ‘whose’ I am. God is my answer. Without Him, I can ‘solve’ nothing.
I know He is not the answer and choice for all, and so there is no judgement or condemnation here
But as the author of this blog, I feel compelled to share what I believe.
I believe that there are no answers in this world, only more questions. But, Jesus, He is my peace. He is love. He is not hate. He is peace. He is not fear. He is FOR ALL, not just whites or blacks or essential workers or police officers or straight people or gay people. He is not just for those who do good, but also for those who do bad. Everyone, in every people group. He is FOR ALL.
So, I ask myself- how can I possibly move so far away from Him that I lose sight of that? This world will kill ya. For me, I know I must stay close to Him. So close that I can hear the beat of His heart louder then the screaming, chanting, burning noise around me. It is not to say that what is being screamed, chanted or is on fire is not important to me, to Him. But, I cannot survive without His voice. I cannot be ‘ok’ if those voices are louder then His. I cannot take a stand or fight a fight or have a voice if I cannot hear Him…
So, “I sing beneath the shadow of His wings”. I must rest there. I must listen to His song. I must be comforted and strengthened there FIRST. Once, my heart and soul are filled with what is life-giving, can I do or say anything in this world or about it. I cannot affect anything until He has affected me. Daily. Hourly? Maybe. Moments? Yes.
I write this to encourage you- there is safety, peace, hope, answers and perspective in Jesus. Please don’t allow this world to steal your light or your voice. Don’t let it deceive you out of your passion…but let Him guide your words, your delivery, your heart and your mind.
I know it is heavy, but sometimes, that is needed.
I love you all. I pray blessings over you, over our world, over the dissension, over the tensions, over the chaos…
Beloved-Reborn
Supplies used:
9 x 12 canvas
Golden fluid acrylics – Raw Umber, Manganese Blue, Transparent Yellow Oxide, Indian Yellow Hue, Quinacridone Crimson, Titan Buff & Titanium White
Liquitex Modeling Paste
Liquitex Gesso
Liquitex Heavy Gel
Ranger Archival Ink- Coffee and Black
Stencils- Shawnpetite.com – Angels wings, Moroccan Tiles 2, Paris Flourish 2, Mediterranean Duo & Background Words
Rembrandt Soft Pastel- Black
Tissue paper
