Video – https://youtu.be/lF3rSBMKN50
Hello Friends,
Welcome to my Sunday’s ART of Truth. I write today’s blog post with a heavy heart after the sweet lady that touched me so has died. I am not certain I can get through this writing but I am going to try. Mary Lou passed from this world to the next on Thursday evening, September 16, 2021. I was actually working on the editing of this video when I got the news. A mere 37 minutes before that news, I had prayed asking God to meet her. “Jesus, if she is ready to go, please meet her. If she is not, meet her there too. Speak to her. Give her what she needs to come to you. We know you are waiting for her. Whisper to her of how pleased you are with her…” I know that God received her with great pleasure, this brings me peace.
As I mentioned in other videos about this journal, it is inspired by this amazing woman. I decided to make this journal when I found out that she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Due to COVID, I had not seen her since before the virus. I feel deep sadness with the lack of closure, but I am hopeful that having this journal will allow me a place to reflect, grieve and process what she meant to me.
The depth of the hole left by my mother is enormous. After all these years, it is still a gaping & bleeding hole. Mary Lou was not afraid of that hole. The circumstances of our meeting were orchestrated by God. She came into my world clothed in grace, love, kindness, gentleness & an open heart. She did not know my story, but as it unfolded, she became a prayer warrior for me as I struggled with the missing of a very special person in my life. She prayed for her every day. Mary Lou is grace and gentleness. She didn’t run from me. She told me I was beautiful, valuable, worthy & loved. She showed me those things. I only saw her a handful of times, but the way that God used her was supernatural. There are not enough words.
She had this thing she did when she greeted someone, including me. She would hug and then kiss one side of the face and then the other, so as not to be left out of balance or lopsided. I can still feel her hands on my face and what her wet lips felt like on my face. I can still feel the warmth of her touch.
After last I saw her, we agreed to have morning coffee together though we are in different states. So, each morning, I have my coffee and I drink it with her. Every time I eat sherbet ice cream, I think of her. We did not have a lot of time together, but God is God and He did miracles! I often wonder if this is how my own mother would have been had she been able to deal with her demons. I will never know.
Rest on Peace Mama…
I have talked of bits of this story as I shared the journal making with you, but wanted to share a bit more, as promised.
“Always be true to yourself” is one of the quotes I used in the journal. Mary Lou taught me that I am valuable and my needs are important and I have a right to have them met. I still don’t do it well, but I think of that often.
I used clocks in this journal as they represent time and space. They represent opportunities, both taken and missed. They remind me that love is eternal and has no limits created by time. I am grateful.
I put a number 3 as part of a spine dangle on the journal. I mentioned in a video that it had significance. It is a very vulnerable part of my story so I won’t say much. My 3rd birthday was a pivotal time in my world. A lot of things changed when I turned 3. As I allowed this woman to love me, some of those places received healing as well. Her presence in my life showed me that I was not disposable. I was not ugly. I was not ‘too much’. I was, and am dearly loved, cherished and worthy.
One more thing, a vulnerable thing…
Late in my journey, I ventured to make a list of things that my heart longed for from a mom person. Things that I did not have. One of the things I longed for was to have a safe mom person wash my hair in the sink. I was terrified of that need. I was terrified to think that it was ok to want that. It felt impossible to ask. But, I did ask. I asked Mary Lou. I thought I was going to lose my lunch. However, she said she would be honored. You see, I needed safe hands. I needed a gentle touch. I needed no meanness. I needed to experience the whole thing without fear.
So, Mama washed my hair. It was like breathing for the first time. It was akin to being born almost. I remember fully feeling every bit of it. Exhaling the bad memories and inhaling the good ones. I will never forget this. I can still feel it.
I will miss her being on this planet but I know that I will see her again one day.
I pray that this inspires someone or speaks to someone.
Je’ Taime Mama, I love you
No supply list today…
